Aug 11, 2012

The complexity of the self and the simplicity of the SELF

How complex we are as human beings! There is an inherent tendency within me that pre-disposes me to grow or un-grow in a particular direction, make the same decisions I made, seek out the same things I sought out earlier. These inherent tendencies make me what I am - direct my body, mind and intellect (self)  to engage in the pursuit of those specific things, those specific emotions, those specific people. This further reinforces these inherent tendencies - like water flowing across a piece of land, that eventually makes a path for itself and becomes a stream - the path increasing its pace and the pace creating a more defined path! These inherent tendencies are called Vasanas.

The rut created by these vasanas is so strong that it invariably propels my SELF across multiple births to seek out a body, mind and intellect that is conducive for the exhaustion/ expression of those vasanas again and again. Thus the whole concept of re-birth. I experience the same emotions - the sadness, the joys, the sorrows, the peace, the thrills over and over again.

So how do I get out of this cycle? Do I need to? Why? What is the benefit of getting out of this cycle? Why can't I just continue on, blissfully ignorant, living my life experiencing the joys, sorrows, pains and disappointments? Can I get to something lasting? What is permanent? What can I rest on knowing that it is unchanging, everlasting?

They say that when the desire to seek answers is strong enough, answers come seeking you.

Because I call this body, mind and intellect entrapments as my 'Self', I march along with these confusions and questions. We treat our body, mind and intellect entrapments as the real Self. We mistakenly believe in this so much that we build vasanas binding us to these things even further, making it ever so hard to get out of it. Just like that river cannot change its course, or reduce its flow because of its momentum/ inertia, I can't get out of these vasanas if I continue to indulge in them.

But, if I build a dam, I change the flow of the river. Yes, for some time, but eventually the current builds up and destroys the dam. So also, by blindly controlling my vasanas, I am not going to control anything. It will eventually catch up with me. Until I realise that my body, mind and intellect are mere encrustations that work under the direction of my inherent tendencies (vasanas), I can do nothing but stare blindly and attribute everything to fate, to destiny and such.

What I need is the knowledge that my true

'SELF' ='Self' - B+M+I+vasanas.

And my actions (through my body), my feelings (through my mind), my judgement (through my intellect) can operate without binding or creating new vasanas.

All this is easily said than done! But for every practical problem, every living breath, if I believe and continue to live with this knowledge and channel my B,M,I to be non binding, then I hope I will get there experientally as well.

An encounter with the past

After 22 years, I visited myself in BHEL. Met me at my school, saw a lot of changes in me and in my school. Met all my friends and tried to connect my past self to their past selves. It is an exciting experience.

Its like a time warp except that you have knowledge of the experiences not being real since we have seen/ are seeing a different reality. You know it is from memory. We laughed at ourselves and our antics back then and enjoyed the experience of recounting the past - dispassionately, non judgementally, with no regrets or sadness, except what the passage of time carries with it. Some of us could see how we have grown - the inherent tendencies, I think, showed even back then although our ability to perceive it was not as keen as it is now.Who cared!

We were also quite content with going back to the present. With promises of going back to the past, in the future! We also tried to effect a change in the future of some others! Complex - isnt it?